Writers: Eight Ways to Combat FOMO

Are you avoiding “missing out” or just overcomplicating life?

Until recently, I had always defined FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out, as the drive to attend every party and event out there. Since I don’t go out all that much—December parties notwithstanding—I didn’t consider it something that affected me. But a recent seminar started me thinking differently.

FOMO, as I have since discovered, occurs for a variety of reasons, be it a longing for social connection in a world punctuated by pandemic lockdowns, remote work conditions and online interactions; exposure to an overabundance of options, thanks to the internet and social media; social pressures (which are no doubt exacerbated by social media: negative feelings due to depression, boredom, and loneliness; and lack of sleep (again, partially due to overworking and partly thanks to the internet making the world open 24 hours a day.)

I realized FOMO spills over into hoarding (which I’ve termed FONS, or Fear of Needing Something that you’ve thrown away), which explains my unsorted piles of paper decorating various areas in my house, the clutter metastasizing in my basement, the 100,000+ emails clogging each of my two Gmail accounts. It also overlaps into FOLO, or Fear of Losing Out, as in when I binge-eat because hey, why shouldn’t I eat all the Oreos that everyone else is eating and isn’t life too short to deny myself? The same applies to my multiple streaming subscriptions—I could live to be 300 and never devour all of that content.

I know what you’re thinking: That’s all an interesting confession of your boring home life, housekeeping missteps, and dieting failures, Dawn, but what does this have to do with writing? We are reading Miss Deameanors, after all. Okay, okay, I’m getting to that. Consider these questions:

Assuming I’m not the only one, I’ve purchased 20 books on curing FOMO (okay, only two), and here are some suggestions that might also help you.

• When you’re overwhelming yourself with “shoulds” and insecurities, take some time to list your strengths and past achievements. (For some, just getting out of bed that day can be counted as an achievement, and that’s okay!). This always makes me feel better.
  

  · Have you purchased tons of online writing courses and how-to writing books that you haven’t opened? Rocket Publisher, Atticus, and The Trope Thesaurus star at me accusingly every time I sign into my laptop or onto my Kindle.

• Have you joined far-off chapters of writing organizations, promising yourself you’ll attend the virtual meetings and watch their content, only to forget about it until renewal time—and even then, you wobble over rejoining (“Well, next year might be different…”)
• Check your Google Bookmarks list and be honest—could you ever find a link you really needed without expending a lot of time and energy?
• Do you post on EVERY social media site known to man, even though most of your followers on each of those sites are the same people?
• Do you purchase editing services from professional editors and then never follow through and do the suggested edits? (I’ve been told by other editors that this happens A LOT, though I haven’t suffered from this one.)
• We read to write better. But is your TBR pile— both on your bedside table and in your Kindle or Nook—so extensive, there’s no space left on/in either? And still, do you walk away from conferences, dragging back even more books?
• Do you take on too many projects because you have to write those stories before someone else comes up with the same plot or topic?

Or is it just me?

Assuming I’m not the only one, I’ve purchased 20 books on curing FOMO (okay, only two), and here are some suggestions that might also help you.

• Be present. Catch yourself when you know you’re overdoing or experiencing FOMO and give yourself some grace. It could take a while to overcome.

• Write out your goals (what’s essential versus what would be nice) and prioritize activities based on those goals. Forgive me being maudlin, but if you knew you were going to die in a year, which activities would make it to the top of your To-Do list?

• Consider, which of those goals and activities are you doing for yourself, to fulfill your goals and your sense of well-being, as opposed to fulfilling what you imagine are the expectations of others?

• Vow to cut out distractions and finish one project before starting another, or failing that, time block so you devote a certain amount of uninterrupted time to each project each day. Turning off social media and email during those times helps. (So can a virtual assistant).

• Decide which social media platforms you enjoy and are serving you. Get rid of the others. It will be okay. Really. You don’t need to be everywhere. Ditto streaming channels. If you’re not watching them, do you really need them? And why not read one book in your TBR list before allowing yourself to buy another? (This only applies to books written by authors other than me. Always buy my books, no matter what. LOL.)

• It’s said that FOMO is often an offshoot of loneliness. Go through your list of friends, call to say hi, and schedule some get-togethers for the next few weeks. Repeat often.

• Express gratitude daily for the things you have. After a hurricane a few years back, that killed our electricity and heat for a week. I try not to take those things for granted now. Ditto hanging out with friends and going to restaurants after the two-year COVID ordeal that limited all those activities. When you focus on the things in life that really matter, you may find less of a need to pile on more activities and possessions. Find the time, even if it’s only a few hours a week, to volunteer to help those less fortunate than yourself. Their lives may also help put yours into perspective.

I’m curious—how is FOMO affecting your life? And what are you doing to limit that? Please let me know in the comment section below.

Dawn Barclay

Dawn M. Barclay is an award-winning author who writes psychological and romantic suspense as D.M. Barr and non-fiction under her own name. Her eight published books include Expired Listings, Murder Worth the Weight, and Saving Grace: A Psychological Thriller. Her newest release, Deadly When Disturbed, was released by Level Best Books on January 14th, 2025. LBB will also publish her upcoming multi-volume series, Vacations Can Be Murder: A True Crime Lover’s Travel Guide. Dawn recently finished her second stint co-editing a Sisters in Crime NY/Tri-state anthology. New York State of Crime, published by Down & Out Books in the fall of 2024, which includes her third published short story, Orchestral Removals in the Dark.

Dawn offers developmental and copy editing through SuggestedDevelopment.com, and ghostwrites personal histories and corporate profiles through LegacyQuest.net. A member of ITW, she has served as president of Hudson Valley Scribes, vice president of Sisters in Crime-NY (still a board member), and the newsletter author/board member of the NY chapter of Mystery Writers of America. Follow her at www.dmbarr.com.

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